Title: 1986 - 2007 SUPER ORIGINAL ARCHIVE OF FIVE  MANUSCRIPT DIARIES & ONE  PHOTO ALBUM DETAILING THE LIFE, LOVES AND SINGING CAREER OF A DRUG TAKING, SEXUALLY CONFUSED WOMAN WHO INTIMATELY DETAILS HER HIGHS, LOWS AND CONSTANT CRAVINGS FOR TRUE HAPPINESS
Book Condition: Very Good
Size: 8vo - over 7¾" - 9¾" tall
Publisher: DUBLIN IRELAND  1986
Seller ID: 0001657
On offer is a super, very intimate archive of five  original 1986 - 2007 manuscript diaries and one  circa 2007 photo album detailing the life, loves, career and sexuality of a late 20th, early 21st Century young woman who experiences the almost typical 'Sex, drugs, rock and roll' lifestyle. We read the diaries as a fascinating epic soap opera: lesbian relationships and dalliances include a very loving and secure lesbian relationship with her companion Monna [only to find out later that the author is actually married], smoking pot, losing her virginity [heterosexually], interest in Tony Robbins, new age exploration, religious exploration, an attempt [somewhat successfully] at a singing career are all tangential as we follow Angela A. [we withhold the last name here for privacy concerns] from 1986 through 2007. Angela also details much of her life retrospectively: parental issues, sexual abuse by an uncle, her religious devotions etc. A great deal of time is spent in Dublin Ireland and some in the United States. Collectors, researchers and historians of women's studies, drug abuse and gender/sexual issues will find the archive a treasure trove. Here are snippets: Diary 1 "July 30TH 1986 - Hi My name is ANGI ... cum N2 my world.... I have 2 worlds ... this is the 1st ...PERSONAL U will C that the 2 intertwine themselves N2 1 ... 2gether they make me WHOLE.... I shall only write in ink because words cannot B erased .... EVER...." "AUGUST 26TH, 1986 - Hola! Boy do I have alot to tell...I was on the road last weekend and I sort of got myself in a bad position. Actually, its a good position... but I am unable 2 deal with how good it really is. U see ...Louie is a friend of my BAND and he is so sweet. I like him alot....I often thought it would b neat 2 go out with him...The band was performing at this wedding and Louis came up 2 me ...and as he always does ... offered words of praise and encouragement. I guess that kind of drew me 2 him 2 ... he was so kind and helpful 2 me. Anyway... I had a friend at the wedding ...her name is Sandy. She had a crush on Louis 2. We were both calling TINA a BITCH cause she was born lucky. ..Anyway...Sandy told Louis. Louis told Sandy that he liked me 2. I was overjoyed. But then..... I feel though as he expected 2 much... He's a wonderful man, and he started kissing me... my heart began beating faster and faster, but so did my insecurities. I was XXXXX (omitted for privacy) for 3 years XXXXX. XXXXXXX (omitted for privacy), and I haven't really been with anyone....He told TINA 2 go home, and she didn't. So he got another room and invited me over. I was supposed to stay with Wayne and Betty Anne. I kept saying I had to go and he kept persuading me not 2. ...I like Louis but not enough 4 SEX. I am ashamed I slept all nite with him. I did nothing "wrong" - except what I did not feel right for me yet..." "September 10TH 1986 - Well I sort of got myself out of the mess. I told Louis my feelings and he still cares 4 me and I like him as a good friend...Now however...I find myself in a ridiculous situation. BOBBY, a bass player in the band, is the main heart throb in my life....I dont want him 2 be going back 2 LOUIS and telling him all the things I do. If I should kiss him its none of LOUIS business right? Anyway, he's the biggest sex freak in the world. Rumour has it HE''S SCREWED 12 DIFFERENT GIRLS in 14 DAYS. So thats strike 2. I need a man who loves me. And I will go 2 bed with him ...I need to know he'll treat me even better the next day. I want a long term relationship...Strike 3 - he's in the band. That's a major No-No in business. But whenever I am around him....I cant help it. Theres something in his eyes that makes me feel a way that I've never felt B4. I could just throw myself at his mercy. Its scary." "September 24TH, 1986 - Today I became a woman. I closed the doors 2 my past and made room 4 my future." "JUNE 27, 1991 - ...Sometimes out of a group of men, I single one out in my brain as the one I want to want me. If they do - my confidence soars and Im great in the studio and am all happy and cheerful. But if they dont show me proper interest, I get bummed out and dont sing as well. I know Im weird...I have a wonderful man at home who loves me more than anything, but I cant help it. I get bummed. POCKET. Weird name....WEIRD GUY...and so blunt and unreachable. He probably doesn't have the slightest idea of WHAT TO DO WITH HIS DICK OR HIS TONGUE. ...but he doesnt even notice me, which drives me crazy. I'd NEVER EVER HAD AN AFFAIR on Mark, but these thoughts constantly permeate my brain, EVERYTHING IS SEXUAL to me..." Diary 2 (120+ pages) "October 30, 1995 - Dublin, Ireland - I awake this morning feeling quietly refreshed and rejuvenated ... in the mood to create, in the spirit to explore... in the will to take everything that is imperfect to my perceptions and make it perfect. Last night was one of the most wonderful nights I have had in a long while. I thoroughly enjoyed myself as I read aloud for hours to the attentive and sometimes slumbering Monna. I enjoyed sharing thoughts with her and talking about some of the things we have read. I also enjoyed her reading of 2 lines of BLAKE to me. At first she would not read a word aloud to me....and finally when I begged for one line and then another I delightfully thought how wonderfully romantic and dramatic just those two lines had sounded and I felt inwardly... that she hadn't a right to keep that from me any longer. I think I will enjoy hearing Blake and Shelby and Byron and anyone else that cross our literary path..." "1995 - Continued ...Monna and I just got back from the Dublin Mountains. At first thought we were journeying there to visit the piece of land I am hoping to purchase in about six months. However, we wound up finding the perfect album cover location in a place known as Sally's Gap...There was an old man on this road with a cane and a couple of dogs ...I longed to interact with him...just be there to see what this man was about. Did he live alone? Had he lived in Dublin Mountains all his life? Did he have children? He was obviously OLD IRELAND and I found his personna quite fascinating as I do most of the elderly people I observe here. There is a spirit within them that no young person can possible exude...their presence demands a smile of respect. In AMERICA OLD PEOPLE ARE HIDDEN and less spirited - here their EYES DANCE with 'I'VE SEEN IT ALL, I'VE LIVED IT ALL ...and I CAN LIVE A LITTLE MORE..." "November 4, 1995 - Dublin, Ireland - Monna took me on an outing today. We were originally going to do more test shots but we were both so P.M.S.'d I dont think it could have happened - besides it was a bit too dreary outside. At any rate MONNA loaned me her overcoat and it FELT SO WARM and COMFORTABLE and like I HAD HER RIGHT NEXT TO MY SKIN. IT REALLY FELT SO GOOD... I really really love her and I am so lucky to have her in my life. I have needed her for so long and am glad that we are both finally together..." "November 5, 1995 - Dublin, Ireland - ...Today my fears ran the gamut. You name it I felt it. BEVERLY WILSHIRE ATTACKS ...HAGGARD ATTACKS...CLAUSTROPHOBIC FEELINGS...people phobias...every single fear knocking hard on my doors and throwing pebbles at my windows allowing me no rest in my sanctuary... I look down at my legs and I see huge, huge, huge...and I instantly think OH MY GOD...How did that happen? and I mind F____K myself and bwgin the mental ..." "1995 - Dublin, Ireland - ...I literally become paralyzed in bed and dont want to come out and die if I hear footsteps coming toward my room. I always ask myself "What will happen if I come out?" I always answer "I will feel uncomfortable and rejected." There is nothing more PAINFUL than sitting in the LIVING ROOM WITH MY LOVER and not being comfortable to SIT ON THE COUCH DRAPED OVER HER and having to sit in a chair far away as possible because her ..." November 8 , 1995 - Dublin, Ireland - ...This probably sounds like a massive mental masturbation attack...so let me stop here... and say...The next three months must be spent on MAKING THE ALBUM A BIG SUCCESS. I have waited nearly 20 YEARS to be successful...lets not make it 21 or 22 and so on. Lets end the waiting now. I am not daunted by fame now. I have the MOST LOVING FRIEND AND PARTNER in MONNA and I live in a manic but tranquil place and I am so willing and able to be at my best NOW - in a way that I never was before..." "November 18 or 20, 1995 - Dublin, Ireland ...Last night MONNA and I made some new rules for ourselves. ALWAYS AVAILABLE unless otherwise stated ...TEA TOGETHER in the morning ... I must pursue my interests while she cannot spend time with me instead of wallowing in sadness...and the new sleeping at eleven and waking at four...and well....after the argument a brilliant bond emerged stronger and closer than the one before and the MOST INTIMATE AND PASSIONATE EXPRESSION FOLLOWED. All is well...." Diary 3 (200+ pages) details include family life, men, life on the road as a singer, money, life in the band as a singer, her life as a virgin which is described in the beginning pages, the loss of her virginity on September 24, 1986 and the days leading up to it and actually how she felt at that very moment and the days afterwards, her addiction to sex as she later states that everything is sexual to her. Further entries include reference to her marriage to a guy named Pocket or Mark and then the diary skips from 1986 to 1991. Her colorful life is filled with fun, love, sex, rock and roll mixed with a triple dip of emotions and feelings that are sure to make Dr. Phil blush. Diary 3 (100+ pages) Dublin "October 22, 1995 - "Monna really needs to relax. I really need to spend time with her as strictly my lover and friend without my concern over interruptions and being caught..." "August 27, 1995 - Am I wrong to be irritated sometimes? Is it so bad for me to desire physical expression at certain times and have a pregnant longing to express it when I want? I find it difficult to adjust to a planned sex life ... and find the plans falling through loads of times. Anyway...I'm done moaning. It just feels weird sometimes and sometimes it hurts. And sometimes all the rallying and longing and competing and rallying and longing and not winning at the end of the day really takes its toll on my head. This is the frame of mind I've been most challenged by...As I was writing Monna woke up and she asked me to read this and we laughed. She beautifully remedied my frustration and I felt better..." "August 31, 1995 - ...I am married now - but really have a best friend that I get to plunk whenever its allowed...which I wouldn't mind as much if everything else was cool. (Monna called me an asshole for writing that) Maybe I am - I don't know everything seems in disarray..." "September 18, 1995 - ...The guy downstairs brought over some pot on Friday - no Saturday. I've had a lot of fun smoking over the weekend. It was interesting being near Sarah in an altered state and listening to her vocal inflections. She is not what I have made her out to be. I would take the ultimate care of her if ever it was needed, but I find her very very ridiculously arrogant and spoiled. The spoiled part is alright because all kids should be spoiled but the arrogance is quite annoying. I suppose not if she were mine - but because of the constant competition for Monna's affections - I find it unbearable..." Diary 3 helps one to understand why, as described in the other diaries, during her days in Dublin Ireland (1995) why she became first in love with men to making a transition in life whereby she was in love with Monna and Sarah. A few quotations from the other diaries just to illustrate: Excerpt: "October 22, 1995 - "...Monna really needs to relax. I really need to spend time with her as strictly my lover and friend without my concern over interruptions and being caught..." "August 27, 1985 - Am I wrong to be irritated sometimes? Is it so bad for me to desire physical expression at certain times and have a pregnant longing to express it when I want? I find it difficult to adjust to a planned sex life ... and find the plans falling through loads of times. Anyway...I'm done moaning. It just feels weird sometimes and sometimes it hurts. And sometimes all the rallying and longing and competing and rallying and longing and not winning at the end of the day really takes its toll on my head. This is the frame of mind I've been most challenged by...As I was writing Monna woke up and she asked me to read this and we laughed. She beautifully remedied my frustration and I felt better..." Diary 4 (300+ pages) "MAY 23, 2005 - Anyway - had my first predator dream in a long time. I woke up this morning in absolute terror. I think I even cried. I murdered my predator - brutally...and boy was I affected. Monna and Sarah were in the dream and they were behaving as if it was no big deal. I on the other hand was thinking I had fled the crime scene, etc...It was weird the predator turned out to be Etair in the end - even though throughout the dream it was a "Irae Type." After I retaliated as the predator was dying - the hair started growing and he turned into Etair. It was terrible when I realized the predator was her and I had actually killed her. Jesus - it ranks as probably the third scariest dream I've ever had." "JUNE 7, 2005 - ...Who the hell is Sarah to hurl any kind of insult or bad feeling my way? And what kind of idiot am I to fall into the trap of it? She's just an arrogant spoiled "I love you - No - I hate you" kind of person. I mean just fuck off. And as for me... I need to get my shit together...because this petty nonsense is an insult to my existence. Fuck all the politics under my roof - at the studio - and under the stars. Just fuck off to every stupid asshole in existence." "September 14, 2005 - Yesterday was awesome - Mand I went to DUN LAOGHAIRE and just had a really relaxing time together to celebrate the commitment of 80,000 euro to our record fundraising." "September 18, 2005 - ...Monna is spending the night at Mary's .I don't exactly know why we all could not go. - but she wanted to go alone. I wonder how she is doing. It feels weird her not being here. - but curiously enough I feel so solid in knowing she will be back and that all is well. ...I felt so happy that I'm not in a conventional relationship..." Diary 5 (140+ pages) "I start this journal as I start a new journey.... last evening I had 1000 euro's to squander... all to my little self. I spent 92 euro's and got a pair of DOC MARTINS. Cool ones Red with zippers. It was weird....Sarah's grown - we're leaving IRELAND for awhile. My dreams in tact... I'm in tact - better than ever... unscathed by life - only enlightened...Today got a great guitar...cherry red...beautiful already started a new song on it. I'm in awe. ...I was thinking about getting a new YORKEE... I still am....but realistically it has to wait until after we are done working MY RECORD...I am looking forward to putting in so much work on the album ." "MARCH 31, 2007 - OLIVER AND BRIAN WENT THROUGH FINAL BREAK-UP. I feel bad for Oliver in the short term and really good for him long term. Brian would be nothing but a futile burden at the end of the day...Brian told Monna that he didn't want to be in a relationship - that he wanted to be a free agent. Well Brian - Free you are! I know Oliver must be devastated. He really, really likes Brian. Personally I am glad its over. The finale was quite scary. Oliver had to leave his apartment last night and Monna arranged for Jimmy to get Brian out of Ollie's apartment this morning. Monna and Jimmy felt sorry for Brian until Monna had the free agent conversation. Then she realized that BRIAN HAD STOPPED LOVING OLLIE - IF he ever did at all. Poor Ollie - He deserves to be loved ....He deserves to find that perfect relationship - LIKE MONS AND I HAVE - NO NONSENSE - TRUST (EVEN IN PMS!!)." "SEPTEMBER 10, 2006 - ...An hour ago my XXX (Intentionally omitted for privacy) called me to tell me my XXXX (Intentionally omitted for privacy) shot himself last week. He had been XXXX (Intentionally omitted for privacy) since 1976 and had been experiencing a pain in his right arm and apparently he left a note for his XXXX (Intentionally omitted for privacy) explaining he didnt want to burden him anymore. He SHOT HIMSELF THROUGH THE HEART. I feel guilty for not feeling very much. I suppose I feel that all of the men in my XXXX (Intentionally omitted for privacy) were/are stains on this earth - even though those stains are part of my blood. I just feel that the XXXXXX (Intentionally omitted for privacy) turned the women in their lives into EMOTIONAL PRETZELS ...twisted, soft, and convoluted. Scarred by their fists ... scarred by their words....scarred by their stupid actions..." "SEPTEMBER 3, 2006 - I am very happy I suppose. We PAID FOR THE ALBUM yesterday... [MELODIES OF 547] and that deems it officially finished from where I am sitting. There is nothing more that I can do creatively. It is born...and now the job of rearing this album must begin. Getting it out there... doing it justice in the best possible way ... while making a difference ...which is the point of the album...." "JANUARY 17, 2007 - Well I have found my work footing and I actually finished our BALLYDOWD plan. I think Jimmy is going to end up buying Ballydowd for a million. That means Monna and I will have about a hundred grand at the end of the day... Not as much as we thought intially, but we can do everything we need to. Buy a house, do the record - just not as much to play with as we thought ...." "JANUARY 26, 2007 - The Ballydowd guys are asking until next thursday. Funnily enough Jimmy asked until next friday. We have 2 weeks to put some kind of deal for Glenmore House together. As of today there is an offer for 2.4 MILLION which she is ready to take..." "MARCH 9, 2007 - I love Sinn Fein ... and Sinn Fein is becoming more popular in IRELAND which makes me feel excited because to me they are the one hopeful party that would work to create a United North and South. I would love to see the UK out of the North someday - and all counties - (the 6 in the North) gone back to the South... the HEAD OF THE TEDDY BEAR REUNITED TO ITS BODY." An undated photo album, though showing a youngish woman we estimate in her early 20s frolicking with her intimate circle of friends. Overall VG.
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