Title: 2004 FASCINATING ORIGINAL MANUSCRIPT DIARY OF THE TRAVELS AND TIMES OF ONE GAY KENTUCKY SINGER, SONGWRITER AND POET SEEKING FAME AND HOMOSEXUAL FUN IN LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA
Book Condition: Good+
Size: 12mo - over 6¾" - 7¾" tall
Publisher: KENTUCKY LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA  2004
Seller ID: 0001816
On offer is a fascinating manuscript relic of early 21st Century gay and homosexual lifestyle, thought and desire for celebrity as written by an unidentified country music singer who travels with a friend named "Lynn" writes 95+ pages of mostly stream of consciousness thought, musical lyrics and poetry from December 5th, 2004 through January 4th 2005 when the author travels from his native Kentucky through Tennessee, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and finally to Los Angeles California to further his singing career and in the end have a binge of sex, suicidal thoughts, song writing and off kilter relationships with men and women. While not a long period of time the author packs a lot of sensational narrative into this 9.25 x 7.25 inch book. Here are some snippets: "December 5th - First day of my adventure. feeling fat and it's a very bad hair day. Lynn said something interesting "be honest" and its true, here's a chance for a fresh start. No stories and i dont have to lie about anything. I'm very scared and have been a long time. its good not to be moving in the car anymore today. If i make it through this i'll will reward myself somehow, leap and the net will appear. Details: i got carded. only somewhat pleasing because it deals with vanity. God loves me !!! thank you Maya. excuse me Miss Angelou. I'm about to find out if i truly have a voice in the world. give me the strength....have to start taking care of myself but what can i say i love being loved. still strangely, unemotional need a guitar and more money. i wondered why i take the loneliness of the world on my own shoulders while i drive the backstreets of Kentucky. or could it perhaps be one of the loneliest people in it? more vanity, i dont really want fame whatever fame means. i want to write, sing, make records..." "...images of sex and spirituality haunt me. there's something darkly sensual, attractive about that. just like anyone else i am merely a passport photo away from fatalistic proportions and properties. a tumbling wave of insecurities. barflies and tongue ties as thunder turns to sound..." "December 6th - Lynn cries. i dont have much to say because i've had too much to drink. felt at the very least amorous. looking for some love. other then an incredible bummer for Lynn, i had a great time. Nashville, funny tacky, music sucked. Getting fatter. Francis needs me to write some great songs. We have to leave Nashville Tennessee. I miss brian. Too much beer. i will write everyday. we drive tomorrow.,.." "you can take my life, and all that it projects - give me all your love, give me all your time - all i want is better sex, i've tried to be the man, the stars say i should be, tried to be the husband, that let the wife be free, tried to be the lover, that turned the blind eye, tried to be the artist, that didnt want die, i wanted to be your father, to be your little boy, i wanted to be perfect, i even tried to be your toy, tried to be the prophet, tried to be the sage, then i turned into the guy, (that turned your heart to rage), bound and gagged inside my cage, where i'm on display, where my submission rests, on being straight or gay, i wish that i could tell you, but for inside my mouth (the apple), what i want is just a game, as i travel south, and like the fatlet pig, i'll squeal at your command, i exist for pleasure, i live to understand, i wont learn from violence, wont hear your silver words, just leave me there alone, and make me feel absurd. My fantasy's not flesh, or faith in your new fashion, its being owned, i find my festering passion, never let me go, never let me down, you can leave me hanging, while your on your way to leaving town." "December 9th -much money on the phone last night its ridiculous. I get to a point where i feel so lonely that i have to hear a friendly voice on the phone just to go to sleep. I no longer think i drink to sleep because thats not enough either. why am i so lonely? I know i'm not the first to feel this way. its like a sickness i feel sick with it. there is no medicine and the only cure is love and acceptance. no omens today? maybe this is it... there is so much segregation it's criminal and yet i find my self fearing people because of the colour of their skin. I'm afraid of getting mugged. I woke up with anxiety. half dreaming i would jump out the window. this shit has just got to stop..." "December 11th - Another Austin sunset. Larry's gone and Lynn said they dumped each other. last night was strange in a fitful way... I had fun with Lynn always do but we were in a rush to get to the show. had a couple glasses of wine in my room and then on to Evita's from there we saw the show. afterwards we were supposed to hook up with Larry but never did. Lynn went to the hotel and i went to Casino's el camino. I met guy there and really threw it on thick with the french accent. it's fun to be someone else. we ended up messing around a bit but he was too uncomfortable and left. it was interesting but i shouldnt do that too much. in need to let people get to know the real me. I'm too much of an actor. finally got Larry on the phone at 4:30am and told him that Lynn was upset and felt like a groupie and that i was mad at him for making her feel that way. ..Completely filled with anxiety today Lynn is emotional. I'm cold." "...So, here we are driving across the oldest land i've ever set foot on. the desert is spectacular. the animals, texas cows, lambs, horses and an alarmingly short order of buffalo. we were both getting anxious toward the end too long in the car and its getting colder, and we are very tired. for me it was being up too late last night. when i got back to the hotel i found myself leafing through a fag rag that i had picked up at the club. I called a prostitute desperate and alone. i couldnt afford it but the conversation excited me to no end. he had the wrong room number to my hotel and i found it impossible to say no. the thought of an impending sexual encounter with an Austin College man was too much for me to deny. i figured he would go to the wrong room and be done with it. inevitably he put two and two together and found my room. i answered and apologized " couldn't get the money out of the >>>>" i stumbled he finished the sentence and asked to come in anyway. i gave him a beer he said i was cute and to come sit next to him. we made ...." December 15 - "finally made it to LOS ANGELES what a let down, no welcoming committee here i'll tell ya. I was so scared to get here and now all i can think of is money and where the hell i'm going to stay. Lynn wants to leave anyway. we felt great coming into the city no anxiety but now that we're in the same room there is tension. i need to smoke when i write. I am now at the last chance saloon. Ray Charles too long gone now...i want to be alone...We had a very enchanting afternoon drinking our champagne and touching the water. oh god the water, yeah we made it. alone in another bar. i love these alters of decadence and stories so long your a year older before you're finished hearing them. still theres no one to talk to. Still i'm glasd im here and an determined to make the absolute best of this palm tree laden pit of hell. i belong here as much as anyone..." December 16th - "...Greg, Ian and Dixon in a panic about a place to stay. Dixon said that if i had a hit record that these mother f's would be all over me. well i guess im here to make one. it looks like i'll end up in the dorm of a hostel here in Venice with five other guys. I'm really depressed about it but its the cheapest way to live. ..." December 17th - "im exhausted. i was so depressed yesterday but i got some money from mom and dad, i have a place to stay for a week. what a shit hole but its cool in a romantic way. i've done exactly what i said i would do; rent a crummy room to write in. it was a panic to get thid but its feels exhilarating and frightening all at the same time. must get a guitar soon and a little more money. mostly i feel lonely but a couple of days to myself should be good for me. there's a couple of alcoholics living in a fxxckng car right outside my window. its a little frightening but interesting to listen to their conversation. i need not feel so bad for myself when i've got that going on so close to me..." "...i see the woman brushing her hair in car she lives in. i want to take her picture. there is a sense of truth in her. i cant explain it. i want to talk with her to know her name. why is she there, can she hear me? does she even know im here? would she care if she knew i was. whats her story, i want to read it. i want to drink it down with my next meal..." "...i went out with Lynn last night and had a nice meal and then we went to blues club where they let me sing a song. people really loved it and i was more than happy to have done it. people were coming up to me the whole time complimenting me. the applause was gratifying. We met a really cute young man that Lynn had seen earlier the same day at a market in Malibu. he quickly fell in love with her and she rushed off to meet him at the beach. it was really sweet. we need to play more. someone put $600 into my account today, a very nice surprise. i should stop my fxckng whining. i'm a spoiled brat..."
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