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21st Century Diary

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21st Century Diary

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OAKLAND, CALIFORNIA CA 'OAK TOWN' 2006 Very Good Manuscript 8vo - over 7¾" - 9¾" tall 
On offer is an absolutely fascinating pair [2] of startlingly candid and intimate contemporary manuscript diaries handwritten by a 'Chola' girl providing an unparalleled look into the life of a Latina woman living and loving within a gang. Dated November 12th, 2006 through January 10th 2010 one reads of sex, drugs, court dates made and missed, children, multiple sexual partners and the internal politics of gang life. [Due to the fact the books are contemporary we decline to name the woman fully in the description but she is identified in the diaries. Interestingly she always signs her entries 'Baby Girl'.] From the mundane of buying her man boxers, socks and wife beaters, buying drugs, taking drugs, hanging curtains to servicing him sexually (except after he comes directly from another woman and still smells of her), dealing with her children and his infidelity the reader comes to understand that she is not happy. She admits that things have gone downhill since another lover went to jail. At one point we read of a potential altercation brewing as another woman accuses her of being a prostitute and ones expects to read that some violence between them will occur but it seems to fade away. Researchers and historians of the time and place will relish the intimacies she writes as they all point to a life that 99% of the world can only guess at or assume from the few movies about gang life. This is really one of the most extraordinary diaries we have read. While we did not find a specific reference to Oakland California she mentions 'Oak Town' and refers to a number of locations that clinch the fact she is in Oakland. The first book is almost entirely full and the second a bit spottier but a gripping narrative throughout. Overall VG. 
Price: 3285.99 USD
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DUBLIN IRELAND 1986 Very Good 8vo - over 7¾" - 9¾" tall 
On offer is a super, very intimate archive of five [5] original 1986 - 2007 manuscript diaries and one [1] circa 2007 photo album detailing the life, loves, career and sexuality of a late 20th, early 21st Century young woman who experiences the almost typical 'Sex, drugs, rock and roll' lifestyle. We read the diaries as a fascinating epic soap opera: lesbian relationships and dalliances include a very loving and secure lesbian relationship with her companion Monna [only to find out later that the author is actually married], smoking pot, losing her virginity [heterosexually], interest in Tony Robbins, new age exploration, religious exploration, an attempt [somewhat successfully] at a singing career are all tangential as we follow Angela A. [we withhold the last name here for privacy concerns] from 1986 through 2007. Angela also details much of her life retrospectively: parental issues, sexual abuse by an uncle, her religious devotions etc. A great deal of time is spent in Dublin Ireland and some in the United States. Collectors, researchers and historians of women's studies, drug abuse and gender/sexual issues will find the archive a treasure trove. Here are snippets: Diary 1 "July 30TH 1986 - Hi My name is ANGI ... cum N2 my world.... I have 2 worlds ... this is the 1st ...PERSONAL U will C that the 2 intertwine themselves N2 1 ... 2gether they make me WHOLE.... I shall only write in ink because words cannot B erased .... EVER...." "AUGUST 26TH, 1986 - Hola! Boy do I have alot to tell...I was on the road last weekend and I sort of got myself in a bad position. Actually, its a good position... but I am unable 2 deal with how good it really is. U see ...Louie is a friend of my BAND and he is so sweet. I like him alot....I often thought it would b neat 2 go out with him...The band was performing at this wedding and Louis came up 2 me ...and as he always does ... offered words of praise and encouragement. I guess that kind of drew me 2 him 2 ... he was so kind and helpful 2 me. Anyway... I had a friend at the wedding ...her name is Sandy. She had a crush on Louis 2. We were both calling TINA a BITCH cause she was born lucky. ..Anyway...Sandy told Louis. Louis told Sandy that he liked me 2. I was overjoyed. But then..... I feel though as he expected 2 much... He's a wonderful man, and he started kissing me... my heart began beating faster and faster, but so did my insecurities. I was XXXXX (omitted for privacy) for 3 years XXXXX. XXXXXXX (omitted for privacy), and I haven't really been with anyone....He told TINA 2 go home, and she didn't. So he got another room and invited me over. I was supposed to stay with Wayne and Betty Anne. I kept saying I had to go and he kept persuading me not 2. ...I like Louis but not enough 4 SEX. I am ashamed I slept all nite with him. I did nothing "wrong" - except what I did not feel right for me yet..." "September 10TH 1986 - Well I sort of got myself out of the mess. I told Louis my feelings and he still cares 4 me and I like him as a good friend...Now however...I find myself in a ridiculous situation. BOBBY, a bass player in the band, is the main heart throb in my life....I dont want him 2 be going back 2 LOUIS and telling him all the things I do. If I should kiss him its none of LOUIS business right? Anyway, he's the biggest sex freak in the world. Rumour has it HE''S SCREWED 12 DIFFERENT GIRLS in 14 DAYS. So thats strike 2. I need a man who loves me. And I will go 2 bed with him ...I need to know he'll treat me even better the next day. I want a long term relationship...Strike 3 - he's in the band. That's a major No-No in business. But whenever I am around him....I cant help it. Theres something in his eyes that makes me feel a way that I've never felt B4. I could just throw myself at his mercy. Its scary." "September 24TH, 1986 - Today I became a woman. I closed the doors 2 my past and made room 4 my future." "JUNE 27, 1991 - ...Sometimes out of a group of men, I single one out in my brain as the one I want to want me. If they do - my confidence soars and Im great in the studio and am all happy and cheerful. But if they dont show me proper interest, I get bummed out and dont sing as well. I know Im weird...I have a wonderful man at home who loves me more than anything, but I cant help it. I get bummed. POCKET. Weird name....WEIRD GUY...and so blunt and unreachable. He probably doesn't have the slightest idea of WHAT TO DO WITH HIS DICK OR HIS TONGUE. ...but he doesnt even notice me, which drives me crazy. I'd NEVER EVER HAD AN AFFAIR on Mark, but these thoughts constantly permeate my brain, EVERYTHING IS SEXUAL to me..." Diary 2 (120+ pages) "October 30, 1995 - Dublin, Ireland - I awake this morning feeling quietly refreshed and rejuvenated ... in the mood to create, in the spirit to explore... in the will to take everything that is imperfect to my perceptions and make it perfect. Last night was one of the most wonderful nights I have had in a long while. I thoroughly enjoyed myself as I read aloud for hours to the attentive and sometimes slumbering Monna. I enjoyed sharing thoughts with her and talking about some of the things we have read. I also enjoyed her reading of 2 lines of BLAKE to me. At first she would not read a word aloud to me....and finally when I begged for one line and then another I delightfully thought how wonderfully romantic and dramatic just those two lines had sounded and I felt inwardly... that she hadn't a right to keep that from me any longer. I think I will enjoy hearing Blake and Shelby and Byron and anyone else that cross our literary path..." "1995 - Continued ...Monna and I just got back from the Dublin Mountains. At first thought we were journeying there to visit the piece of land I am hoping to purchase in about six months. However, we wound up finding the perfect album cover location in a place known as Sally's Gap...There was an old man on this road with a cane and a couple of dogs ...I longed to interact with him...just be there to see what this man was about. Did he live alone? Had he lived in Dublin Mountains all his life? Did he have children? He was obviously OLD IRELAND and I found his personna quite fascinating as I do most of the elderly people I observe here. There is a spirit within them that no young person can possible exude...their presence demands a smile of respect. In AMERICA OLD PEOPLE ARE HIDDEN and less spirited - here their EYES DANCE with 'I'VE SEEN IT ALL, I'VE LIVED IT ALL ...and I CAN LIVE A LITTLE MORE..." "November 4, 1995 - Dublin, Ireland - Monna took me on an outing today. We were originally going to do more test shots but we were both so P.M.S.'d I dont think it could have happened - besides it was a bit too dreary outside. At any rate MONNA loaned me her overcoat and it FELT SO WARM and COMFORTABLE and like I HAD HER RIGHT NEXT TO MY SKIN. IT REALLY FELT SO GOOD... I really really love her and I am so lucky to have her in my life. I have needed her for so long and am glad that we are both finally together..." "November 5, 1995 - Dublin, Ireland - ...Today my fears ran the gamut. You name it I felt it. BEVERLY WILSHIRE ATTACKS ...HAGGARD ATTACKS...CLAUSTROPHOBIC FEELINGS...people phobias...every single fear knocking hard on my doors and throwing pebbles at my windows allowing me no rest in my sanctuary... I look down at my legs and I see huge, huge, huge...and I instantly think OH MY GOD...How did that happen? and I mind F____K myself and bwgin the mental ..." "1995 - Dublin, Ireland - ...I literally become paralyzed in bed and dont want to come out and die if I hear footsteps coming toward my room. I always ask myself "What will happen if I come out?" I always answer "I will feel uncomfortable and rejected." There is nothing more PAINFUL than sitting in the LIVING ROOM WITH MY LOVER and not being comfortable to SIT ON THE COUCH DRAPED OVER HER and having to sit in a chair far away as possible because her ..." November 8 , 1995 - Dublin, Ireland - ...This probably sounds like a massive mental masturbation attack...so let me stop here... and say...The next three months must be spent on MAKING THE ALBUM A BIG SUCCESS. I have waited nearly 20 YEARS to be successful...lets not make it 21 or 22 and so on. Lets end the waiting now. I am not daunted by fame now. I have the MOST LOVING FRIEND AND PARTNER in MONNA and I live in a manic but tranquil place and I am so willing and able to be at my best NOW - in a way that I never was before..." "November 18 or 20, 1995 - Dublin, Ireland ...Last night MONNA and I made some new rules for ourselves. ALWAYS AVAILABLE unless otherwise stated ...TEA TOGETHER in the morning ... I must pursue my interests while she cannot spend time with me instead of wallowing in sadness...and the new sleeping at eleven and waking at four...and well....after the argument a brilliant bond emerged stronger and closer than the one before and the MOST INTIMATE AND PASSIONATE EXPRESSION FOLLOWED. All is well...." Diary 3 (200+ pages) details include family life, men, life on the road as a singer, money, life in the band as a singer, her life as a virgin which is described in the beginning pages, the loss of her virginity on September 24, 1986 and the days leading up to it and actually how she felt at that very moment and the days afterwards, her addiction to sex as she later states that everything is sexual to her. Further entries include reference to her marriage to a guy named Pocket or Mark and then the diary skips from 1986 to 1991. Her colorful life is filled with fun, love, sex, rock and roll mixed with a triple dip of emotions and feelings that are sure to make Dr. Phil blush. Diary 3 (100+ pages) Dublin "October 22, 1995 - "Monna really needs to relax. I really need to spend time with her as strictly my lover and friend without my concern over interruptions and being caught..." "August 27, 1995 - Am I wrong to be irritated sometimes? Is it so bad for me to desire physical expression at certain times and have a pregnant longing to express it when I want? I find it difficult to adjust to a planned sex life ... and find the plans falling through loads of times. Anyway...I'm done moaning. It just feels weird sometimes and sometimes it hurts. And sometimes all the rallying and longing and competing and rallying and longing and not winning at the end of the day really takes its toll on my head. This is the frame of mind I've been most challenged by...As I was writing Monna woke up and she asked me to read this and we laughed. She beautifully remedied my frustration and I felt better..." "August 31, 1995 - ...I am married now - but really have a best friend that I get to plunk whenever its allowed...which I wouldn't mind as much if everything else was cool. (Monna called me an asshole for writing that) Maybe I am - I don't know everything seems in disarray..." "September 18, 1995 - ...The guy downstairs brought over some pot on Friday - no Saturday. I've had a lot of fun smoking over the weekend. It was interesting being near Sarah in an altered state and listening to her vocal inflections. She is not what I have made her out to be. I would take the ultimate care of her if ever it was needed, but I find her very very ridiculously arrogant and spoiled. The spoiled part is alright because all kids should be spoiled but the arrogance is quite annoying. I suppose not if she were mine - but because of the constant competition for Monna's affections - I find it unbearable..." Diary 3 helps one to understand why, as described in the other diaries, during her days in Dublin Ireland (1995) why she became first in love with men to making a transition in life whereby she was in love with Monna and Sarah. A few quotations from the other diaries just to illustrate: Excerpt: "October 22, 1995 - "...Monna really needs to relax. I really need to spend time with her as strictly my lover and friend without my concern over interruptions and being caught..." "August 27, 1985 - Am I wrong to be irritated sometimes? Is it so bad for me to desire physical expression at certain times and have a pregnant longing to express it when I want? I find it difficult to adjust to a planned sex life ... and find the plans falling through loads of times. Anyway...I'm done moaning. It just feels weird sometimes and sometimes it hurts. And sometimes all the rallying and longing and competing and rallying and longing and not winning at the end of the day really takes its toll on my head. This is the frame of mind I've been most challenged by...As I was writing Monna woke up and she asked me to read this and we laughed. She beautifully remedied my frustration and I felt better..." Diary 4 (300+ pages) "MAY 23, 2005 - Anyway - had my first predator dream in a long time. I woke up this morning in absolute terror. I think I even cried. I murdered my predator - brutally...and boy was I affected. Monna and Sarah were in the dream and they were behaving as if it was no big deal. I on the other hand was thinking I had fled the crime scene, etc...It was weird the predator turned out to be Etair in the end - even though throughout the dream it was a "Irae Type." After I retaliated as the predator was dying - the hair started growing and he turned into Etair. It was terrible when I realized the predator was her and I had actually killed her. Jesus - it ranks as probably the third scariest dream I've ever had." "JUNE 7, 2005 - ...Who the hell is Sarah to hurl any kind of insult or bad feeling my way? And what kind of idiot am I to fall into the trap of it? She's just an arrogant spoiled "I love you - No - I hate you" kind of person. I mean just fuck off. And as for me... I need to get my shit together...because this petty nonsense is an insult to my existence. Fuck all the politics under my roof - at the studio - and under the stars. Just fuck off to every stupid asshole in existence." "September 14, 2005 - Yesterday was awesome - Mand I went to DUN LAOGHAIRE and just had a really relaxing time together to celebrate the commitment of 80,000 euro to our record fundraising." "September 18, 2005 - ...Monna is spending the night at Mary's .I don't exactly know why we all could not go. - but she wanted to go alone. I wonder how she is doing. It feels weird her not being here. - but curiously enough I feel so solid in knowing she will be back and that all is well. ...I felt so happy that I'm not in a conventional relationship..." Diary 5 (140+ pages) "I start this journal as I start a new journey.... last evening I had 1000 euro's to squander... all to my little self. I spent 92 euro's and got a pair of DOC MARTINS. Cool ones Red with zippers. It was weird....Sarah's grown - we're leaving IRELAND for awhile. My dreams in tact... I'm in tact - better than ever... unscathed by life - only enlightened...Today got a great guitar...cherry red...beautiful already started a new song on it. I'm in awe. ...I was thinking about getting a new YORKEE... I still am....but realistically it has to wait until after we are done working MY RECORD...I am looking forward to putting in so much work on the album ." "MARCH 31, 2007 - OLIVER AND BRIAN WENT THROUGH FINAL BREAK-UP. I feel bad for Oliver in the short term and really good for him long term. Brian would be nothing but a futile burden at the end of the day...Brian told Monna that he didn't want to be in a relationship - that he wanted to be a free agent. Well Brian - Free you are! I know Oliver must be devastated. He really, really likes Brian. Personally I am glad its over. The finale was quite scary. Oliver had to leave his apartment last night and Monna arranged for Jimmy to get Brian out of Ollie's apartment this morning. Monna and Jimmy felt sorry for Brian until Monna had the free agent conversation. Then she realized that BRIAN HAD STOPPED LOVING OLLIE - IF he ever did at all. Poor Ollie - He deserves to be loved ....He deserves to find that perfect relationship - LIKE MONS AND I HAVE - NO NONSENSE - TRUST (EVEN IN PMS!!)." "SEPTEMBER 10, 2006 - ...An hour ago my XXX (Intentionally omitted for privacy) called me to tell me my XXXX (Intentionally omitted for privacy) shot himself last week. He had been XXXX (Intentionally omitted for privacy) since 1976 and had been experiencing a pain in his right arm and apparently he left a note for his XXXX (Intentionally omitted for privacy) explaining he didnt want to burden him anymore. He SHOT HIMSELF THROUGH THE HEART. I feel guilty for not feeling very much. I suppose I feel that all of the men in my XXXX (Intentionally omitted for privacy) were/are stains on this earth - even though those stains are part of my blood. I just feel that the XXXXXX (Intentionally omitted for privacy) turned the women in their lives into EMOTIONAL PRETZELS ...twisted, soft, and convoluted. Scarred by their fists ... scarred by their words....scarred by their stupid actions..." "SEPTEMBER 3, 2006 - I am very happy I suppose. We PAID FOR THE ALBUM yesterday... [MELODIES OF 547] and that deems it officially finished from where I am sitting. There is nothing more that I can do creatively. It is born...and now the job of rearing this album must begin. Getting it out there... doing it justice in the best possible way ... while making a difference ...which is the point of the album...." "JANUARY 17, 2007 - Well I have found my work footing and I actually finished our BALLYDOWD plan. I think Jimmy is going to end up buying Ballydowd for a million. That means Monna and I will have about a hundred grand at the end of the day... Not as much as we thought intially, but we can do everything we need to. Buy a house, do the record - just not as much to play with as we thought ...." "JANUARY 26, 2007 - The Ballydowd guys are asking until next thursday. Funnily enough Jimmy asked until next friday. We have 2 weeks to put some kind of deal for Glenmore House together. As of today there is an offer for 2.4 MILLION which she is ready to take..." "MARCH 9, 2007 - I love Sinn Fein ... and Sinn Fein is becoming more popular in IRELAND which makes me feel excited because to me they are the one hopeful party that would work to create a United North and South. I would love to see the UK out of the North someday - and all counties - (the 6 in the North) gone back to the South... the HEAD OF THE TEDDY BEAR REUNITED TO ITS BODY." An undated photo album, though showing a youngish woman we estimate in her early 20s frolicking with her intimate circle of friends. Overall VG. 
Price: 2285.99 USD
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FORT SMITH ARKANSAS 2009 Good+ 4to - over 9¾" - 12" tall 
On offer is an interesting and unique, original 2009 manuscript diary and journal handwritten by prisoner, D. Anderson, who was incarcerated in the Arkansas Department of Correction penal system. It was used by the author as a diary, journal, datebook and ledger though rather sparsely and sporadically but still an interesting look into the mind of a prisoner and what goes through his head as he deals with his incarceration. Along with his personal thoughts and notes he writes a large number of websites he wanted to investigate (for reasons known only to him) as well other informational sources he wanted to look into. There appears to be a number of addresses of other inmates and phone numbers. We also list separately the same individual's 'how-to' handbook - #0001589 - on breaking and entering, general theft and robbery and overall a contemporary look into dealing with the 'modern' world of crime involving electronics, alarms, computers etc. Overall G+. 
Price: 885.99 USD
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LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA CA 2013 Good + Manuscript 4to - over 9¾" - 12" tall / 
On offer are five (5) fascinating notebooks handwritten by a Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department female employee who served at the department for over 30 years. Four of the notebooks cover the period from February to May 2013, with some gaps, and December 2013, and the fifth one documents August 2015. The employee, who identifies herself as Fae, was 58 in 2013, and had served for 24 years at the Internal Affairs Bureau (IAB). At the time described in her diaries she was in the process of transfer from the IAB to the Marina del Rey Police Station. It can be understood that the transfer was a result of a conflict situation at the department, she does not spare harsh words writing about some of senior officers at the department, regrets retirement of Captain Burns, and is happy about her transfer to the Marina del Rey Station: "I am glad I am leaving all their crap behind..." She describes in detail her transfer luncheon, naming many of the guests, praises some and slurs the other, and retells her farewell speech. Having served at the Sheriff's department for over 30 years she knows many officers and not sworn employees, and seems to be well informed about the department politics, if not personally involved into it. She writes about meetings and her training, and refers to the situation at the department - it was investigated for allegations of inmate abuse and guard misconduct in the jails, the investigation later resulted in indictment and conviction of undersheriff Paul Tanaka and sheriff Lee Baca: "Boy, things in the dept are getting a little messy. Greg was telling me Tanaka may be gone by the end of March. I wonder what would Rhambo do? The way the things are so messy right now, I don't think he would want the U/S, not after the way Tanaka has screwed it up". She also mentions many names of LASD officers and employees, including Alicia Ault, captain at the IAB, Reginald Gautt, captain at the Marina del Rey Station, McSweeney, captain Cecil Rhambo (currently the city manager at the city of Compton). Large portion of the diaries is about her romantic relationships with a person whom she calls "babe", "Ming Tai", "my boy", they usually meet at the daytime - she picks him at a parking lot and takes to her place for a couple of hours, the description of their intimate relationship is rather explicit at times. She is determined to have him move to her place, which he finally does in 2015. The diaries include many details about her tastes, interests and aspirations, relations with different people, shopping habits and leisure activities, and her financial situation. 
Price: 6685.99 USD
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LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA CA 2001 Very Good Manuscript 8vo - over 7¾" - 9¾" tall 
On offer is a fascinating, original early 21st Century manuscript diary handwritten by a very open, very revealing unidentified 25 year old African American woman in Los Angeles California. Using a very chic Italian Il Papiro leather journal book the author details her intimate life with few holds barred. Dated October 11, 2001 through to March 7, 2003 she writes 115 full pages making no secret of this woman's intimate relations and sometimes predatory approach sex making for a treasure for researchers and historians of gender relations and sexual mores of the early 21st century. Here are some snippets: "October 11, 2001 - Its been awhile since last I wrote. I had to go out and buy this nifty new diary. Going a few days w/out being able to write made me realize how much I rely on it to express feelings. John and I are well. He and I have been spending more time with each other. Tuesday he came over at 2am and greeted me w/warm hugs and next thing I knew we were on my piano getting it on. Then on the floor. John is sexy and fun but often I go w/out an orgasm. I wonder sometimes if I still have "Y" on the brain? I still think of him and occasionally I think of calling him for "old times sake" but I don't and I won't. I want something lasting and I think I have that w/John. I just have to tutor him a little more about what really turns me on. Recently I had to speak to John about ..." "October 19, 2001 - At around 2:30am ear-lee this morning John showed up at my door completely in the buff. I had been expecting him and he called and told me I didn't even consider that it might be true. That's what I like about John, his self-deprecating humor. I had set up my rooms w/candles and soft music. I also wore the lingerie that "P" got me for the first time. John seemed to really like it and even more so when I danced for him. Sorry to say, however that I never c__. John is good in bed but perhaps I need to get more use to him. I really like it on the side and this morning I did c___ w/ a little help from my trusty vibrator. I also cooked eggs w/cheese, sausage and french toast for him. I had been wanting to fix a meal for him for a long time and I'm pretty happy with the results. John behaved as if it were good and cleaned his entire plate. Told me how good it was and thanked me. .." "November 27, 2001 - John has gone off to Vegas for the weekend. I was a little upset at first because it was so last minute and done in a way that seemed to show little consideration for me. He was supposed to call me once he and his boys had arrived but I haven't heard a word and I refuse to call him. Alls I know is that if he can run off w/his crew on his four-day, then he can do the same w/me. Personally, CB and I think John was trying to beat me to the punch since we had already told him that we were going next month for the Maxwell Concert. Anyway , Michael D. called me the other night and after John's act I decided to go out with him to dinner. So first of all I made sure I looked good. My hair, nails, and clothing were hooked. Looking good and smelling good I showed up at the door in N. Hollywood (Car was in shop). I know I looked good and so did he. Could not take his eyes off of me. We had dinner at Gladstones at Universal City Walk. Michael looked the same which is not necessarily good. IN fact, he didn't look good at all. He could not even hold a candle to my John. He was the same ole talker and further disappointed me by asking me if we could "pick up where we left off." I gave him flat out NO! I mean he could have tried to woo me. He thought I was that same chick he knew from a year and a half ago. But, I played it cool, displaying little or no emotion. He'd put his hands on me and I..." "...October 30, 2001 - ...I walked into a dark house w/him standing behind the door. He pushed up against the door and it got hot. The big show even had us in a vertical 69. John really gets my blood ...and juices flowing. It's interesting because Terence came over Sunday, part of me wanted to see if there was something left. And from all indications, it is. I mean Terence still desires me but I don't look at him the same. The kisses were ..." "December 19, 2001 - John finally came over last night for his dinner a whole 2 weeks after his b-day...I put candles in John's cookies n cream ice cream cake and he blew them out. What was curious is that when he got down on his knees to blow out the candles he was down there for so long I thought he was praying but he eventually blew them out. I wonder what he was wishing for? Anyway, I wore one of my best dresses and underneath I wore black bra, panties and garter. Very sexy, right? While John certainly admired his woman's..." "January 4, 2002 - Happy New year ! Well at least I hope so. SO far its under way w/enrollment in the certification program at UCLA and a vigorous job search. Anyway, last week I had my first informal dinner party which included John, George, and CB. Everyone was late despite me setting an open time and telling folks that I was cooking. Dinner was salad, chicken, and rice. John was the latest and when he finally showed u at least bore gifts. HE left again and brought back tons of games. Dinner was cool and then we played games and got drunk. John was feeling extra randy, following me and mouthing the words "I want you." Before the guest could leave he had my pants ..." "November 25, 2001- ...I waited & 3 hours later he still had not called. So I called and let him know what I thought. He called later & apologized and we talked. He made up for it and we rode around together looking for my car. He then took me to the movies. Afterwards we went to the market and bought junk. John and I ate our junk food while watching "Seven" and held me. He continued to hold me and we kissed and eventually I fell asleep in his arms. It's interesting because the next night we were cuddling and he pulls me on top of him and starts..." The diary itself is in excellent condition made in Italy of beautiful soft leather with quality paper. VG. 
Price: 1355.99 USD
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LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, SEATTLE, WASHINGTON 2002 Very Good Manuscript 4to - over 9¾" - 12" tall 
On offer is a unique, one-of-a-kind and often quite bizarre handwritten journal and diary from a man going through a difficult and intense time in his life. The writing is interesting and occasionally quite strange, often going back and forth between straightforward thoughts and poetic expressions and passages. What is most evident from the beginning is that the author is going through a very difficult divorce. Here in this book is where he puts all his deepest and most intimate thoughts about his life, his failed relationship and his child. The journal begins with an original poem by the author, and then goes into a 16-page description of the breakdown and dissolution of his relationships and his whole life. “I think the only thing that kept me going was her. Life, on my side, had just about hit rock bottom. Newly divorced and the mental skid was on - I had packed one small bag, walked out the door and didn't look back til it was too late.... She was everything that woman I'd left behind wasn't. Full of energy, a lust for life, sexy as the sun and beautiful. She lit up something in me I didn't even know existed...” He writes living in a warehouse with no heat in Los Angeles, California. He never explicitly says it, but it seems he’s a carpenter, mentioning woodworking and house work a few time. It’s obvious from the writing that he’s miserable. He moves up to Seattle with the light of his life, his girlfriend Malea. It doesn’t work out well for his girlfriend: “Wasn't all that great for Malea, however, as my sister looked at her as the "other woman" - the one who had broke up my marriage, stolen her beloved sister-in-laws husband and apparently had done so without conscience.” At the end of the 16 pages, he writes: “I stayed with Malea - she was so beautiful. I think that was the beginning of the end.” The next page contains another original poem. After the poem comes a letter: “Dear Malea, it has been a long time since I have seen you - driving away from that airstrip in New Orleans...I have tried to remember you as a beautiful person. You know that from the last conversation we had on the phone. That's hard to do now. You told Adam that I was psychologically and/or verbally abusive to you and you felt he had taken my "side" in our break-up...” It seems she accused him of abusing her, physically and emotionally. By the tone of his writing, it might not be far from the truth: “You said that I treated you poorly - ‘not very well’ - your words. I tried. You could never see that. You didn't have a place to live, I gave you what I had. You had no one to help you move - your friends? Where were they? You always put on your bright and shiny face for them, never let them see that depression, the fear and anger in you. Then you tell them that I was abusive. Fuck you. Your conscience will follow you all the days of your life no matter how you try to convince yourself otherwise. Fuck your therapist. That stupid bitch wouldn't counsel us, yet felt she could counsel you on..." More poems follow, as well as short dated entries that focus on the other side of his life, apart from his breakup. He comments on his work and, in November, 2002, on George W. Bush as president and the war in Iraq. There are also his personal goals: “relationship with Heather [first wife] and Finnley [his child]. Spiritual growth - relating the presence of the Lord to life.” The rest of the pages are devoted to sketches of carpentry related work, and a few torn pages used for estimates, drawings, materials etc... It appears the author used the book as his diary and also for a bit of his work. The combination is very interesting and unique. The book is approximately 50 pages in length. Almost all the pages have writing in them. About 30 or so of those pages are his journal and thoughts and the rest are the pages devoted to his work as a carpenter. The book is a ring binder in good condition. The covers show aesthetic wear, especially on the edges, but nothing structurally. All the pages are still attached to the rings. There is some wear on the beginning and end pages, but all else still look good. The handwriting is easy to read, in a combination of pencil and blue and black ink. The pencil is slightly faded, but can still be easily read. The book is 9” x 12” inches in size. OVERALL: VG 
Price: 2255.99 USD
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KENTUCKY LOS ANGELES CALIFORNIA 2004 Good+ Manuscript 12mo - over 6¾" - 7¾" tall 
On offer is a fascinating manuscript relic of early 21st Century gay and homosexual lifestyle, thought and desire for celebrity as written by an unidentified country music singer who travels with a friend named "Lynn" writes 95+ pages of mostly stream of consciousness thought, musical lyrics and poetry from December 5th, 2004 through January 4th 2005 when the author travels from his native Kentucky through Tennessee, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and finally to Los Angeles California to further his singing career and in the end have a binge of sex, suicidal thoughts, song writing and off kilter relationships with men and women. While not a long period of time the author packs a lot of sensational narrative into this 9.25 x 7.25 inch book. Here are some snippets: "December 5th - First day of my adventure. feeling fat and it's a very bad hair day. Lynn said something interesting "be honest" and its true, here's a chance for a fresh start. No stories and i dont have to lie about anything. I'm very scared and have been a long time. its good not to be moving in the car anymore today. If i make it through this i'll will reward myself somehow, leap and the net will appear. Details: i got carded. only somewhat pleasing because it deals with vanity. God loves me !!! thank you Maya. excuse me Miss Angelou. I'm about to find out if i truly have a voice in the world. give me the strength....have to start taking care of myself but what can i say i love being loved. still strangely, unemotional need a guitar and more money. i wondered why i take the loneliness of the world on my own shoulders while i drive the backstreets of Kentucky. or could it perhaps be one of the loneliest people in it? more vanity, i dont really want fame whatever fame means. i want to write, sing, make records..." "...images of sex and spirituality haunt me. there's something darkly sensual, attractive about that. just like anyone else i am merely a passport photo away from fatalistic proportions and properties. a tumbling wave of insecurities. barflies and tongue ties as thunder turns to sound..." "December 6th - Lynn cries. i dont have much to say because i've had too much to drink. felt at the very least amorous. looking for some love. other then an incredible bummer for Lynn, i had a great time. Nashville, funny tacky, music sucked. Getting fatter. Francis needs me to write some great songs. We have to leave Nashville Tennessee. I miss brian. Too much beer. i will write everyday. we drive tomorrow.,.." "you can take my life, and all that it projects - give me all your love, give me all your time - all i want is better sex, i've tried to be the man, the stars say i should be, tried to be the husband, that let the wife be free, tried to be the lover, that turned the blind eye, tried to be the artist, that didnt want die, i wanted to be your father, to be your little boy, i wanted to be perfect, i even tried to be your toy, tried to be the prophet, tried to be the sage, then i turned into the guy, (that turned your heart to rage), bound and gagged inside my cage, where i'm on display, where my submission rests, on being straight or gay, i wish that i could tell you, but for inside my mouth (the apple), what i want is just a game, as i travel south, and like the fatlet pig, i'll squeal at your command, i exist for pleasure, i live to understand, i wont learn from violence, wont hear your silver words, just leave me there alone, and make me feel absurd. My fantasy's not flesh, or faith in your new fashion, its being owned, i find my festering passion, never let me go, never let me down, you can leave me hanging, while your on your way to leaving town." "December 9th -much money on the phone last night its ridiculous. I get to a point where i feel so lonely that i have to hear a friendly voice on the phone just to go to sleep. I no longer think i drink to sleep because thats not enough either. why am i so lonely? I know i'm not the first to feel this way. its like a sickness i feel sick with it. there is no medicine and the only cure is love and acceptance. no omens today? maybe this is it... there is so much segregation it's criminal and yet i find my self fearing people because of the colour of their skin. I'm afraid of getting mugged. I woke up with anxiety. half dreaming i would jump out the window. this shit has just got to stop..." "December 11th - Another Austin sunset. Larry's gone and Lynn said they dumped each other. last night was strange in a fitful way... I had fun with Lynn always do but we were in a rush to get to the show. had a couple glasses of wine in my room and then on to Evita's from there we saw the show. afterwards we were supposed to hook up with Larry but never did. Lynn went to the hotel and i went to Casino's el camino. I met guy there and really threw it on thick with the french accent. it's fun to be someone else. we ended up messing around a bit but he was too uncomfortable and left. it was interesting but i shouldnt do that too much. in need to let people get to know the real me. I'm too much of an actor. finally got Larry on the phone at 4:30am and told him that Lynn was upset and felt like a groupie and that i was mad at him for making her feel that way. ..Completely filled with anxiety today Lynn is emotional. I'm cold." "...So, here we are driving across the oldest land i've ever set foot on. the desert is spectacular. the animals, texas cows, lambs, horses and an alarmingly short order of buffalo. we were both getting anxious toward the end too long in the car and its getting colder, and we are very tired. for me it was being up too late last night. when i got back to the hotel i found myself leafing through a fag rag that i had picked up at the club. I called a prostitute desperate and alone. i couldnt afford it but the conversation excited me to no end. he had the wrong room number to my hotel and i found it impossible to say no. the thought of an impending sexual encounter with an Austin College man was too much for me to deny. i figured he would go to the wrong room and be done with it. inevitably he put two and two together and found my room. i answered and apologized " couldn't get the money out of the >>>>" i stumbled he finished the sentence and asked to come in anyway. i gave him a beer he said i was cute and to come sit next to him. we made ...." December 15 - "finally made it to LOS ANGELES what a let down, no welcoming committee here i'll tell ya. I was so scared to get here and now all i can think of is money and where the hell i'm going to stay. Lynn wants to leave anyway. we felt great coming into the city no anxiety but now that we're in the same room there is tension. i need to smoke when i write. I am now at the last chance saloon. Ray Charles too long gone now...i want to be alone...We had a very enchanting afternoon drinking our champagne and touching the water. oh god the water, yeah we made it. alone in another bar. i love these alters of decadence and stories so long your a year older before you're finished hearing them. still theres no one to talk to. Still i'm glasd im here and an determined to make the absolute best of this palm tree laden pit of hell. i belong here as much as anyone..." December 16th - "...Greg, Ian and Dixon in a panic about a place to stay. Dixon said that if i had a hit record that these mother f's would be all over me. well i guess im here to make one. it looks like i'll end up in the dorm of a hostel here in Venice with five other guys. I'm really depressed about it but its the cheapest way to live. ..." December 17th - "im exhausted. i was so depressed yesterday but i got some money from mom and dad, i have a place to stay for a week. what a shit hole but its cool in a romantic way. i've done exactly what i said i would do; rent a crummy room to write in. it was a panic to get thid but its feels exhilarating and frightening all at the same time. must get a guitar soon and a little more money. mostly i feel lonely but a couple of days to myself should be good for me. there's a couple of alcoholics living in a fxxckng car right outside my window. its a little frightening but interesting to listen to their conversation. i need not feel so bad for myself when i've got that going on so close to me..." "...i see the woman brushing her hair in car she lives in. i want to take her picture. there is a sense of truth in her. i cant explain it. i want to talk with her to know her name. why is she there, can she hear me? does she even know im here? would she care if she knew i was. whats her story, i want to read it. i want to drink it down with my next meal..." "...i went out with Lynn last night and had a nice meal and then we went to blues club where they let me sing a song. people really loved it and i was more than happy to have done it. people were coming up to me the whole time complimenting me. the applause was gratifying. We met a really cute young man that Lynn had seen earlier the same day at a market in Malibu. he quickly fell in love with her and she rushed off to meet him at the beach. it was really sweet. we need to play more. someone put $600 into my account today, a very nice surprise. i should stop my fxckng whining. i'm a spoiled brat..." 
Price: 1895.99 USD
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